Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I'm Okay, Maybe?

Pernah x mengalami perasaan tetibe nak muntah tapi bukan sbb terbau benda basi or terhidu benda busuk tapi akibat terlalu sedeh+geram+terkejut. Pernah x? Kalau xpernah sila senyap. Sbb i juz had it this whole day :(


The reason is too stupid to even mention here. But since i need to get this out of my chest, i might as well just tell everything. Nothing are left out ok!


This very morning i opened my stupid social networking which is FB OR MUKABUKU. I dont really like FB that much but since its like the 'it' thing nowadays so of coz i have to be in this 'it' thing. U get wat i mean? If u dont then shadap jer n baca smpi habes! So since da bukak FB kenelah tgk kat wall sendiri if ada benda baru kan and adalah this 1 particular person yg i seriously know dia yg add i so i just happen to gatal tangan and open her FB's profile.


Bila da gatal terbukak then tgk2lah kat part kawan2 dia and i saw this 1 very familiar faces yg i try to forget for my entire life since to me he's history! I was shivering ok! Seriously shivering kembang2 bulu roma tangan when i nak click his name. Then when i click teruslah direct to his profile and mulalah i nak terkemik-kemik muka mcm baby xdapat susu badan kan. Serious ok mmg mcmtuhlah perasaan dia bukan i saja bagi hiperbola or metafora berlebih-lebihan. Then i was like thinking 'Pandai gak dia ni men FB,dulu time dgn aku mcm agak buta IT gaklah'. Then i was strolling around his profile and at his relationship status i can see this freaking fucking sentence 'Engaged to .........................(forgot the bitch name already)'. Ok lah i tau lah dia x engaged lagi tapi standard ar kan org2 yg ada gf/bf ni for sure akan letak status 'married to somebody2 or engaged to somebody2'.
LIKE I FREAKING CARE LAH KAN!!! <----- ni ayat org tgh merana~


So, afta i read the full sentence, i terus dapat feeling nak muntah akibat sedih+geram+nak nanges. Serius ok! Terus i tak keruan smpi kelas kol 1030pg pun kol 9pg i da siap pakai tudung sbb smpi xkeruan sgt. Ok lah mestilah i bukak FB that bitch plak (kesian xpasal2 kene panggil bitch free2 jer). Mestilah nak tau bagus sgt keeeeeeeeeeeeeeee???????? Sekali mcm .................. ok no need to elaborate lebih2 since im not even close to perfect.


The point in here bukan sbb pompuan tuh bitch ke minah rempit ke gadis kg ke awek virgin ke cewek emo ke ape kan. Bukan okeh. The point here i feel mcm satu bentuk betrayal tau. Okeh okeh mmg da about a year kitorang breakup but still if i think about it i am so sad coz its not a smooth breakup. And plus he even promised me he wont find another girl for a while. Yer ayat laki mmg kite xleh caya tapi ayat2 cmtuh bile ko da bgtau and even ko tipu sekalipon utk saje2 sedapkan hati aku tapi bile aku found out ko da ada org len mmg boleh buat SENTAP okeh! So i blame myself sbb gatal2 nak g bukak FB pepagi buta, baek aku bangun lambat g kelas dari aku bangun awal n terus susah nak fokus kat kelas. Naseb bek i da batalkan niat nak shopping selai baju tadi,sebab bila pk balek baeklah i beli makanan banyak2 dan mengenyangkan diri.Baru puas hati! Puas hati ke?


Sekarang ni i seriously confused with what i feel. Maybe korang pk yg i still sayang my ex, but seriously i dont. Maybe sbb i'm still not attached to anyone tu yg buat i serabut smpi tahan2 nak nanges n muntah.Serius xsehatttt tetibe. Bukan nak membangga dan mengembang hidung, tapi bukan xda laki yg cuba nak get to know me, but i da set vision for myself yg i perlu stay single for at least 2years. I need to enjoy single lifestyle back and why do i need to rush to find my soulmate?? So sape2 yg try to get to know i tuh i am so so sorry if i xberapa nak layan but i have expectations jugak, xkan i nak carik laki yg mcm ex bf kan(name pon ex) so i have to find someone yg much more better than him. See kan xpasal2 i da keluarkan statement membangga diri. Oh n plus satu lagi, i need to focus this sem sbb i nak apply scholarship. So sape2 yg tgh or pernah bercinta surelah paham sgt2 situation tgh bercinta sbb agak leceh gak time nak study then nak kene layan enchek bf/gf tetibe. Lagi2lah kalau ur partner tuh jenis yg annoying lagi needy.

SO YANA U KNOW U WILL BE OK KAN? U WILL BE OK! THERE IS NO MAYBE!!
I KNOW I WILL BE OK!!!!



After crying for just a little bit longer

After realizing it for just one or two days

This love that came like a cold

Must not have really been true

Because my heart was buried

And my memories are worn out

When will all this be erased?

How much more do I have to endure?

4 comments:

Tok Zu said...

sabar !ada hikmah nya.
ada yang lebih baik dari dia!
cheer up!

yanasaja said...

mak: yes i know,mekaseh mak~

Bainun Waheeda said...

yana aku pon pernah rasa macam tu..gatal2 nk tgk page ex dolu2..Kadang2 ko sebenarnye dah xrasa sayang or even dh 4bln skali nk ingt dia pon x. sentap gk ar bila dia ade awek lain.... Walaupun rasa mcm meremang je tp aku try senyum2 sbb semua yang kita rasa tu sbb kita ingt kenangan bersama. =)..

U'll get the better one..trust me!

yanasaja said...

ben: tau xpe bila pk balek memories tuh terus mcm sejukkan diri jer.tapi time marah asik lah pk yg negatif jer.ha ha ha