To My Sis On Her Big Wedding Day

My sister and I

The day that i made this post is on 7th August 2011.
There's still 61 days to my sis wedding day.
I am so happy for her......NOT
Ok yes of course i am happy for her.
The thing is that i don't know if i am gonna be ok after she is married.
It's not that my soon to be brother in law, Alif is not a good guy.
He is a good man, i think he is closest brother in law for me that i will ever have.
Kak Rai is so lucky coz they have been going together for 8 years.

For those 8 years they have been together,
I have been with Kak Rai for 23 years.
23.
I share everything with her.
Room.Bed.Clothes.Stuffs and sometimes even underwear (well we almost the same sizes)
And it's great that i don't have to share any of this with her anymore.
But one thing for sure i know i am gonna be super sad.
I can promise you one thing, i wont cry on the wedding day
But i will be devastated

The thing is that it's not just room, bed, clothes or stuffs that i will stop sharing with her
I will probably stop sharing all of my thoughts, complains, whines, tears, anger n etc.
It will never be the same.
I cant asked her to called me in the middle of the night like always just to hear me cry.
I wouldn't want to disturb her baby making business with Alip.
Like now, i am having a breakdown but i am resisting myself to call her.
Well, just because i need to practice.
I have to get used to the moment where she will be Alif's property.

Kak Rai is the best sister for me.
The one and only.
I can hate her so fucking much today and tomorrow we will still be fighting.
But in the end of the day she will act like nothing happened and treat me nicely.
I hate and love her because of that.
Just because my heart is too soft for her.
She is so freaking annoying sometimes but i really dont know how i can put up with her all this while.

Kak Rai,
Congratulations on your wedding day with Alif.
Please treat Alep nicely.
You know i will always be on your side no matter what people say about u.

-this is crazy, writing like this is crazy. I am not good with pouring out my emotions to my loved ones. Yekkkk. Ok fine, up until now everything i wrote are truly from my heart :) -

- I DO CRY ON HER WEDDING DAY-